Read about Lucy’s experience, a Mum who received home vists from one of our volunteers…
“When I first came across Home-Start I felt lost and overwhelmed, in the depths of looking after 3 young children, all aged under five. I was parenting on my own and struggling with my mental health. It was a lot to deal with and I felt very isolated; looking after young children can feel so relentless. The isolation wasn’t helped by the fact I live in such a rural area and added to that, my family, although supportive, weren’t close by and able to help me on a regular basis.
I was referred to Home-Start by my Health Visitor, I didn’t really know much about them before that and to be honest, I was a bit nervous about allowing someone into my home as I’d only had family help me before. I wasn’t sure what to expect and I worried that whoever was coming to see me would judge me. However, I knew I wasn’t coping that well and my Mum told me to “take all the support I could get, whilst I needed it” – I knew she was right, so I agreed to a Home-Start volunteer. I remember before the first visit I cleaned my house from top to bottom, I was scared that the volunteer would come into my house and judge me. That feels funny now looking back, as that wasn’t the reality at all. As soon as my volunteer walked in she commented on how nice I’d made my home and my fears of being judged started to slowly disappear. As we chatted and got to know each other I found out she’d also had three children, who were now grown up, and it quickly became clear that she understood my feelings and knew what it was like bringing up three children so close in age. That was a massive help in itself, having someone in the house, an adult, who understood those feelings and really knew what it felt like to be juggling so much. I started to feel less alone.
I wasn’t sure what to expect from the weekly visits, I think I thought my volunteer would come in and we’d just chat, and we did, we talked a lot, but we also got lots of things done. Very quickly I started to look forward to her visits each week and we accomplished so much in our time together. To some people it might not seem like a lot, but to me, the things we did together meant so much and made all the difference. I didn’t have much adult interaction during the week and it was lovely to have someone around that I could talk to and do things with. My volunteer helped me to get out of the house, I found that a daunting task on my own with three young children in tow. We went for walks with the children, did some gardening, she helped me take the girls swimming, and we went on some little day trips to the Cotswolds Farm Park and Batsford Arboretum. She got on with my children really well and it was nice to get out the house with another adult, it felt less daunting than when I was on my own and it slowly built up my confidence. Inside the house we got through lots of jobs. We decluttered, she helped me to organise my rooms and get on top of the laundry piles that felt out of hand, we also sorted through the toys and made some space. I look back and realise I was overwhelmed, especially with things like the laundry.
My volunteer came in at the just the right time, ready to help and I was ready to accept the support. I remember there was a time when my washing machine and dryer broke and I had a massive build up of washing to get through and sort. I remember feeling so overwhelmed at the sight of it that I cried and just kept shutting the door on it. It felt like too big an issue to tackle on my own. My volunteer helped me to make a start, get it sorted and tackle it head on. I would never have made that start without her and would have continued to let it get out of hand. The relief afterwards of getting through it all and regaining some control was such a boost and made such a difference to how I felt. I still remember my volunteer saying to me “This will change, it gets easier” – and I really needed to hear those words, my children were all so young and I felt I was in a pit and I couldn’t get out, it felt so overwhelming. Because I’d built up a trusting relationship with my volunteer I believed in those words, and she was right. I no longer feel like I did and I’ve moved into a different phase of parenting, it still has its challenges but with two at school my days are different.
Back in those early days when I first met my volunteer I lacked confidence, felt isolated and overwhelmed. I struggled to have the confidence to make phone calls, take the girls out on my own, tackle the jobs that I knew I needed to do but couldn’t find the strength to tackle head on. A year or so on and it’s a completely different story. Now I feel positive, I feel happy and I know what I’m doing. The overwhelm has gone and now if things get too much, I know what I have to do to make things better. I recently took my children on holiday by myself, I drove them there on a 5 hour journey – something I would never have dreamt of before, I was scared even nipping out to Aldi back then! Before I had Home-Start I was always comparing myself to others, wondering if I was doing a good enough job as a parent– that’s stopped. Now I know that I’m a good mum. My volunteer has helped me to see that. I feel happier in myself and I have started to look forward. I am planning to go back to college and get some part time work in a childcare setting and although life isn’t perfect, it feels much more manageable.
My volunteer has helped me get my life back together, I feel I can do anything now and I am finally parenting rather than just surviving. My relationship with my children is all that I wanted it to be.”